please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
