Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
