While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
