Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Soap is not a condiment
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
