I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
