I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
