I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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