Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
