State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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