8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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