So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
