Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
