my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
