i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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