Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
