Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
