apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
