You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
