i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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