It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you had me at cake vodka
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
