I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
