She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He better not be in your backpack
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
