guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
