I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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