I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
