There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
