i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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