I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
