My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
