I wish I could punch you in the face.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
