i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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