i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
what day is it and did you see me today?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
