Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
