the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
