last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize
