Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
