is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
