Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
