MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i've created a new STD.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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