There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
