Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
