I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
