if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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