the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
