All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i think my cat just said my name.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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