I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You're like the curious george of whores
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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