I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
