I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
