i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
