On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
