You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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