We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the day after is always just damage control
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
