No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
