Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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