I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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