I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
