She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
