Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
did i walk over a car last night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
