Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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