so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
