i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
