Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
